I have been feeling like an overwound watch. (for those of you who don't know what winding a watch means - go tomorrow and purchase a pocket watch that you have to wind or some sort of classic Timex. It does you good to have to tend to something every day.)
So...I've been feeling off center. Just edging toward overwhelmed.
So, recognizing this, I've been trying to take deep breaths and look at the night sky and remind myself that I am not responsible for the spinning of the world. Because I have this tendency to give myself that much power. Only...I know that I suck at it and then I get all...verclempt?
So - today I took a step toward unclenching my soul. I spent several hours in the company of my talented and brilliant youngest sister and the brilliant wonder twins.
They are 8. And they are kind, funny, happy, intelligent, curious, patient, loving, goofy, looney beings. We met for lunch - Yellow Sub. Always a great choice - good sandwich, patrons not too disturbed by a slightly raucous table. We tip well. There were tater tots covered in cheese and bacon. The wonder twins arrived and the world lit up.
They smile when they see me. And I feel worthy - and the soul stretches a little. Just testing the waters. Still wary - someone will realize that I'm imperfect.
I get to be the center of the world! Each of them leaning in close to show me something in a game on a phone or to ask me a question. I feel like a genius, firing off answers to questions like Ken Whatizname on Jeopardy. The loon on my left has fairly attached herself to my arm. She couldn't be closer - adoring her cool and excellent aunt.
Perhaps, I am worthy?
And the hour in the park looking for four leaf clovers (eagle eyed sister found one!) and watching stick boats race in the creek - just hanging out and watching the group with men in suits (and wondering...why?). Topped off by wild adventure!
They rode to my house in my car so their mom could run by the grocery store. Passengers! In MY car? So they got to ride with an 80 pound bag of shredding between them. Laughing and making arm airplanes out the window. Stuffed bear Rufus contemplating a flight out the window. He thought the better of it.
Girl sitting on my lap threatening to lick my face. Riotous laughter.
Boy riding scooter and two bikes in various states of disrepair down the hill.
Climbing and pulling and pushing and laughing and ah....
I feel myself drifting back to the balance point. Knowing that I don't have to be in charge of it ALL. And cutting myself some slack.
The soul is starting to unclench. Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat as needed.