What have you got against hamsters?

You wonder why "hamsterbeaters"? I tell you - it isn't as interesting as the story you have in your mind!! Or the second story in your head....

The most asked question by anyone who has ever gotten an email from me is "what have you got against hamsters?" A fair question to someone whose email starts with the word hamsterbeaters.

I have nothing against hamsters. In fact, I owned one once. No - two! Or maybe the second one belonged to my sister... Anyway - though I can't (for the moment) remember the hamsters' name - I actually like hamsters.

Usually when I'm asked - I make up stories about why "hamsterbeaters" (and now "The Beaten Hamster")...here is the truth: (well, probably) The original hamster beater was my car. It was an 87 VW Fox Wagon. In order to make it go faster...you had to beat the hamsters. On the wheel. Under the hood. Get it? I warned you this wasn't interesting. And I was right.

Or perhaps...perhaps that isn't the real story after all.

Hamsters beaten - if only briefly.

Oh - one hamster was named Sampson. But I think that one was Susan's.

Ooops. Fail.

Well, I missed yesterday. I know that I had good intentions to post. But after I got home from the Super Bowl - Dad was on the computer and I figured I'd come back up and post later. But then... well... sleep intervened.

Yesterday we celebrated the 3rd birthday of my twin niece and nephew. Gosh those two are adorable. Actually all three of my nephews and my only niece are adorable. They take after me! The oldest, Jack, is 15 and driving. He is in the Sunday School class that I teach and though he wanders off on tangents unrelated sometimes...he is becoming a remarkable young man. And the wandering off on tangents thing is probably something he gets from me too. Then my brother's son Jacob - who is 5 and full of energy. He was there yesterday and showing the twins how to play with some of the toys. He knows all about stuff. I see my brother in that!

But the stars of yesterday's show were Braeden and Taylor. They opened every single gift with wonder and appreciation. Everything was "oh! Look Dora!" or "oh! a doll!" or "hey! a monster truck!" Every gift was exciting to them. But I think that one of the biggest hits of the whole party were those party favors that you blow into and then it rolls out? Man...what do you call those things? These (thank goodness) didn't have the whistles/noisemakers inside so it was just the fun of near poking each other in the nose/ear/head with a paper tube. And then we would laugh and laugh and laugh!

Then there was a Super Bowl party to attend - which was very pleasant and delightfully child-free. As you can see from the above - I'm not opposed to the existence of children. But I do enjoy the times without them. Food was great - game was good. The team I was cheering for was not the winner, but if that was the only down side to the day - I'll take it!

Hamsters beaten - a few hours late.

The Day After

Today is Saturday. Coke Day. Whew. It is more welcome today than ever. If you saw yesterday's post then you know that I witnessed an accident involving a close friend. And we got to visit with Lynchburg's first responders and went for sushi and then to the ER.

Actually - I don't think I told about going for sushi before going to the ER. And I know that will seem like a strange choice. At first he had decided not to go to the hospital, but then on the advice of others (especially his momma) it just seemed like a good idea. And when he kind of wistfully said "you think it's okay if we go have sushi THEN go to the hospital?" I, of course, said yes. And it was great - and made the day seem a little better.

I had to ignore his demands that I drop him off at the ER. No, I'm not saying that I didn't drop him at the door before parking. He wanted me to just dump him off there and he would get a cab or something home. Um...no.

After the surprisingly quick visit at Lynchburg General Hospital (about an hour fifteen...including radiology of his leg!) I delivered him home. He ignored MY demands to sleep on the couch in case he needed transport to LGH or needed a 3am grilled cheese or wanted anything at all. And when I came home - it was 1am. And that made it officially Saturday. Coke Day. And I savored it.

Day 5 of beating hamsters every day. Done. Hamster bruised but going to be ok.

A Late Night Post

Warning: I feel a navel-gazing coming on.

You know what sucks? How fast accidents happen. And how violent they are. I was reminded of that tonight. I wasn't in the accident - I watched it happen. And nobody was seriously injured, except Jenny. But since she is a truck, most people will not find that to be too serious.

But in the fastest span of time - an evening was changed. And it can't help but make you wonder all the potential losses there could have been in that moment. Thank you Lord for making Jenny the only damaged body in that incident. I would be writing a very different post if that were the case. But for a moment after I knew all was ok - big picture-wise - the possibilities washed over me. Not pretty. But standing in the darkened field by the street, alone - because I was completely unimportant at that moment - I couldn't breathe. And then I was grateful that all was ok.

And then it was just surreal - the rescue, LPD and fire dept arrived. In the span of minutes - which is why it is awesome to live in Lynchburg, Virginia. Everyone who responded was professional, efficient and caring. Great combinations. I'm proud to say that one of the firemen was a good friend - who I rarely see in person, but always impresses me. One fine human being he is. And wise - I often like his Facebook statuses (statii?) which are brief but thought-provoking observations on life. I got to see him performing his professional calling - and I am impressed a little more. So interesting when you see different facets of people's lives.

So, I experienced this event as a very involved bystander. And I hope that I take it as a reminder to appreciate people, life and the people in my life a little bit more. Because in the shortest of moments...a evening can change.

Navel-gazing complete. Hamsters beaten.

Shortcut Day!

So - it's Thursday. And if you don't know what I mean by that - read the post http://thebeatenhamster.blogspot.com/2011/01/little-red-haired-girl.html

Couple of days ago I decided to try to blog 21 days in a row. I'm seeing it as proving that I can follow through on a commitment. My first follower said that he was looking for something every day and he was loving every word. A lovely, lovely thought - though I am not worthy to tie his hightops. My friend Chuck Taylor writes an awesome blog. He puts nifty pictures and there's stuff flashing over on the side and I see Quisp from time to time. It's a pretty blog with bells and whistles. It also helps that he is way cool and knows all kinds of interesting people and lives in a wicked awesome city (ok, that's the last time I'll say awesome). He writes The Smoking Nun, which is also a fantastic name. And about once a week there are pictures of pretty men. I read it a lot. There's a picture of me somewhere (somewhen?) on there - gazing at a cheese store window in New York City. Go read it. http://chucktaylorblog.blogspot.com/

Anyway - when I said I was going to write every day, I added the caveat that I might post sections of a cookbook/novel (I'm trying out the term: cooknovel...what do ya think?) that I started writing some several years back. Lots of years back (warning: this may not be good). So - I gave myself a form of cheating. And today is Thursday - the long day. If you were going to guess what day I would first use my shortcut, you would have guessed today.

So - without evening READING it first - here is the first section of "Oh my God, they're in the Driveway". And good night everybody. Day three, hamsters beaten.

**Note: then I DID read it. I'm vaguely horrified. But I'm leaving it. I think the cookbook got better. I hope I didn't write a chapter on SPAM too.

Oh my God, they're in the driveway...cooking with no time and nothing special in the pantry

CREAM CHEESE

Thus begins the chapter I had to write first, because I know it best. There are very few things I haven't tried to do with cream cheese, except for a few that would be disgusting and/or illegal.

There must have been a dozen times that it bailed me out of an embarrassing situation. I can remember a time my sister invited a few friends over to her apartment to celebrate something. Of course there was no food in her apartment. I managed to throw together a quick, easy cheese spread, some crackers and a large amount of leftover pizza which I chopped into bite size hunks. Not only did no one starve, I got a lot of compliments on a very tasty snack spread.

Okay, to all of you who think that cream cheese was meant to stand alone or only be made into a cheese ball, get real! Here follows about a half-dozen simple ways to be the hit of any party!

CRAZY CRAB SPREAD

I'm starting with one of my family's favorites, I personally discovered it by accident. This is truly simple. It is best served warm with either cheese crackers, wheat thins or melba toast.

one block o' cream cheese (I prefer Philly, some claim there's no difference. I guess I could be wrong. NOT!)

one can of crab (like about ¾ cup if you shell your own)

a splash of milk

a teaspoon of worcester sauce (I spent a full minute trying to spell that, hopefully the editors will catch it)

** Heat the cream cheese in either the microwave (cook for about 45 seconds, rotate and squish with a fork, the repeat as necessary-shortening the time) or a double boiler. Actually the double boiler does a better job, but I use the microwave a lot. The double boiler actually does more than just soften it, it changes the texture slightly. Usually in that case I'll add about a tablespoon of butter. Don't know why. If I did I could charge more for this book. Okay, soft cheese, I'll try to stay on the subject. Add a splash of milk, like a tablespoon. We're going for the consistency of chocolate pudding. Add the well drained can of crab meat. Stir and add worcester sauce.

So what are you waiting for? Eat it. Calorie counting is for paranoid jerks.

Day Changing Dish

It was a stressful day - spent a horrific amount of time reading government white papers and websites trying to fill out a form finishing a government contract. One of the papers was 61 pages long and still didn't define small businesses in a way that normal humans could understand.

But at the end of the bad day, I came home and cleaned the kitchen (housemates returning tomorrow night) and cooked a nice dinner. I made Crab Newburg and frenched green beans. The Newburg I made from scratch...the beans came from a can (but I added a little of this and that). The original plan was to make crepes with the crab newburg inside. I copped out and served it over toast. And kinda forgot that the crepes were also part of the dessert course. So I just gave my dining companion some blackberries.

I have to say - Newburg is a kick-ass sauce to learn. And pretty darn easy. Brown half a stick of butter, add about a tablespoon of flour and cook for a minute to get the paste flavor out. Then add a cup of half & half or light cream or milk if you must. Cook that until it coats the back of a spoon. You need to stir pretty often so it isn't lumpy. Then slowly add this mixture: 3 egg yolks whisked together with 2 tablespoons of sherry or dry white wine, a pinch of paprika and a pinch of salt and a squeeze of lemon (no seeds please). Would be a really good idea to create the egg yolk mixture before you start browning the butter. I (of course) failed at that...so I was trying to keep the cream sauce from getting too thick while I was trying to separate eggs with the other hand. Pulled it off...but just barely. That is probably why I didn't feel like making the damn crepes. So - just to clarify...you add (slowly) the yolk mixture to the hot white cream sauce. And keep whisking or you're going to have scrambled eggs and have to start over. Once it is incorporated then you taste and add a little salt or a little pepper or a little more wine/sherry.

Then just fold in a pound of your favorite seafood. My favorite is lobster...but I like crab and it sure is a lot easier than steaming lobsters and harvesting the meat. Crab comes pasteurized in cans in the seafood section. It also comes fresh at the seafood market...picked out of thousands (well dozens anyway) of crabs by people whose job I do not want.

Even over toast - it was good. You should try it - the ingredients for the newberg are cheap enough: butter, flour, cream, egg yolks and sherry. Someday soon I'm going to conquer hollandaise - hollandaise that doesn't come in a packet sold next to gravy mix.

Well - there is a post about nothing. I feel like Seinfeld. But for today, the hamsters have been beaten. And that cat was briefly abused...but not by me. A story for another day.

Beating Hamsters Every Day - Since February 1!

Okay - I've been challenged by my follower...looking for something every day - loving every word! That may not be a direct quote. And no - my follower is NOT my Mom! I don't think she's even reading my blog. Perhaps someday that will change.

anyway - I'm taking the challenge to heart. And for the next 21 days I will try to form the good habit of beating the hamsters every day. I warn you - my fail-safe is a book that I started writing many years ago. It is a mesh of a novel and a cookbook for morons. So - if I don't get all creative and write some random thoughts on the day. Or some navel-gazing. Or another restaurant review/critique. I will then cut and paste a section out of "Oh my god, they're in the driveway" (how to create food out of the non-furry leftovers in your fridge).

I've been told that it takes 21 days to form a good habit. Or that may be any habit. I don't think I'll try it with cigarettes or anything to see if I can form a bad habit in 21 days. Again...I digress. I learned this when trying to get in the good habit of taking my contacts out every night. And I've rarely skipped doing it since I survived the first 21 days. And you know what? My eyes feel like crap the next morning when I do. So, to the person who told me to do it: you were right. Print this page and slap it in a scrapbook.

I'm also going to try to stop using the word "okay" so much. Okay?

So - what will it be tomorrow? Navel gazing or the first segment of my cooknovel? Oh - and last thing before I go to bed - one of my sisters doesn't understand what navel gazing is. And since she is pretty darn smart...I will assume that others don't know. When one spends time thinking excessively about their place in the universe...the rights and wrongs of society...justice and peace...heavy stuff ya know... Well then you are absorbed in what the Greeks termed Omphaloskepsis. According to that wonder of the internet - Wikipedia: Omphaloskepsis is the contemplation of one's navel as an aid to meditation. It is well known in the usually jocular phrase directed towards egotism and self-absorbed pursuits: "contemplating one's navel" or "navel-gazers". This criticism is also often leveled at professions which are interested in themselves: movies about Hollywood, for example, or television shows about television writers. Or blogs about blogs. That would be dangerous. I think it could cause the world to spiral and collapse. Sort of a navel black hole.

Well - day 1, the hamsters have been beaten.