This will be a very brief post.
I have lost another friend to suicide and I have been processing that in my mind. It wasn't a very close friend - but it brought back a lot of the emotions that I dealt with last year. Both when I lost a good friend and when I walked a dark valley in my own life.
This much I feel certain of - you may agree or disagree. I don't believe that suicide is an unforgivable sin. I know that there are people who believe that it is a one-way ticket to hell. I just can't reconcile that with the loving God that I have a relationship with. I believe that if a person is so completely disconnected from God that they feel there is no hope for living...they have already become well acquainted with hell. I believe that God is on the other side of the veil ready to welcome his child home. Perhaps with a dope-slap to the head to say "do you get it now? do you feel how I love you without condition?"
And I know that I have spoken with many people who say "I've never been in such a dark place that I even considered ending it all." All that I can say to that is - you are blessed. You need to stop right now and say thank you. I cannot say that. Because I was there and it is not a place that I would want anyone to be.
It is impossible to describe - take the feeling that you get when you see the blue lights in your rear view mirror and multiply it by 50. Then add to it the feeling of being kicked in the heart when a relationship unexpectedly ended. And then take every insult that someone has thrown at you and feel the unworthiness wash over you. Now you have an inkling...
I was extremely fortunate that I was surrounded by loving friends and family during my personal crisis. And perhaps it happened for a reason - maybe God has a use for that experience. I cannot be sure what it is - I just have to trust that there is...
For anyone walking a dark valley - I want to let you know that as trite as it may sound, it does get better. And if you don't give in, you will come out of this stronger. And if you don't have people around you to provide support...call a crisis line, call a minister, call a friend, call a counselor, call anyone! And if I can be of some small help, let me know.
I wish I had known the struggles behind the smiling face that my friend showed to the world. I wish for a chance to remind him how important he was to so many people. I wish I could have said that the storm passes. But this much I know - peace was waiting with open arms. It is those left behind who suffer now.