PORT
WINE AND CHEDDAR
This
recipe was stolen from a good friend of mine who does a cooking show
out of the studio that I work for.But I know she won't mind.I was
in the middle of this chapter and struggling hard to come up with a
couple more cream cheese recipes when she came in to tape her show.I thought this one was really good, but I didn't pay a whole lot of
attention to the recipe while she was doing it, so I ended up
modifying it when I made it for the family.So, technically it's no
longer her recipe, right? Mine is probably better anyway.And while
we're on the subject of modifying recipes.I hope you're starting to
get the point that no recipe is set in stone.This isn't a Bible or
anything, change what you don't like. If you want to turn the cream
cheese and olive spread into cream cheese and pimento...try it. If
it turns out like hell, don't do it again. If it turns out better
than mine, drop me a line and I'll put it in the next book.
(Slightly modified to keep from having to give you anything. Just
kidding. Sort of). Maybe you don't want to change your great
grandmother's fruitcake recipe or Aunt Hildy's giblet dressing, I
probably would, but some people are pretty stubborn about the
traditional stuff. But if you're reading a cookbook and there's an
ingredient that you don't like, leave it out. After all, its your
stomach. (This time I haven't digressed at all, a new record)
a
block of cream cheese, softened (I'm getting right sick and tired of
typing that particular line)
- ¼ cup of port wine (or a nice dry burgundy, experiment!)
- 1 cup of white cheddar cheese, shredded all to hell.
- some little pink peppercorns for a lovely garnish (okay, if this is for the poker boys, leave out the peppercorns and try making this with Wild Turkey) (on second thought, bourbon and cheese sounds like a hideous combination, I wouldn't do it if I were you.)
**
Squoosh together everything except the peppercorns. Probably start
by combining the wine and cheese then add the cheddar. Should be a
lovely pink color. Sprinkle the pink peppercorns around the top of
the cheese ball. To tell you the honest-to-God truth, I had no idea
that there was such a thing as pink peppercorns until she taped the
show. It's one of those things that you can drive someone else
nuts with by sending them to the store to find them. Send someone
you don't like very much because I haven't been able to find the
little suckers yet. Personally when I garnish stuff, I like to use M
& M 's and they just don't go well with port wine and cheddar.
Go figure. Try sprinkling some of the white cheddar over it. Beats
running around the Kroger's asking women with pink curlers and fat
children where you might locate the pink peppercorns. She probably
can't even find the replacement insoles for her fuzzy slippers that
she came in for.
Ooooo...I
think I've digressed again. How far this time?
HAM AND CHEESE (SORT OF)
Some
of the credit for this one has to go to my grandmother, after all,
every cookbook has at least one recipe that has been handed down from
generation to generation. This one ain't it, but it's probably the
closest one I've got. She always made it with potted meat, but have
you ever read what's in that stuff? I'll admit that I eat it on
occasion. But usually when I'm camping or fishing or something.
After a couple of days in the wilderness, your tastebuds are pretty
much dulled to the point that you can't taste the pig butts and
tongues. But, as usual, I digress. This is one of those real simple
recipes that you can kind of keep around for you to snack on during
football games. It's got at least two of the four food groups, meat
and dairy. I suppose you could eat it with crackers and a carrot and
call it well-balanced. Le recipe:
- one block of cream cheese, softened
- one can of deviled ham
You
should pretty much have the hang of how this goes now. Blend it and
slap it on a Saltine. But let's say, these people that have just
dropped in are your husband's boss and his lawyer who just stopped by
to have coffee and discuss making him a partner in the advertising
firm. At this point you can't really throw a Tupperware bowl of
anything and a pack of Saltines on the table and invite the boys to
"chow down". That's okay for poker nights and Monday Night
Football, but for this you need to show a little more class.
Luckily, this is quick...so it doesn't appear to be a lot of trouble.
You don't want people to have to apologize for dropping in
unannounced, no matter what Dear Abby says. I say you should always
appear to be able to sweep together a quick snack and honestly say,
"It was no trouble at all." But to make this look a little
nicer. Use a small cracker, like a wheat thin. After all, Saltines
are too large to eat in one bite, and have a tendency to create a lot
of crumbs. Crumbs are not what you want Mr. Boss to have on his
Sunday golf attire. Wheat thins can be tossed into a mouth in one
bite without appearing piggish and without creating a mess. Slap a
little bit on each cracker and then garnish about half of them with
stuff like olive slices, pieces of cheese, you know, stuff that
matches up with ham. Understand? Put a nice bowl with the rest of
the ham spread (or really any one of the recipes in the chapter) on a
tray. Surround it with the prepared crackers and some plain
crackers. That way, if the guest doesn't like the spread, they can
eat the crackers plain without feeling like they'll hurt your
feelings. And if they run out of the prepared crackers, they can fix
their own.
I
guess all of this has come naturally to me. And perhaps some of you
are wondering why I go through all of this. Well, this book is not
just for cooks, its for bachelors who'd like to be able to make an
impression on someone and still feed the guys after a tough water
polo match. Its for college kids who can put away a ton of food, but
still need something for those sorority mixers. It's especially for
those husbands whose wives could use a nice surprise when she gets
home from work. You know, you don't have to go to a lot of trouble
to make people feel special. Just knowing that you thought enough to
fix a little snack for her (or him, if the situation is reversed)
instead of asking when the hell dinner is going to be ready,
well...that might be just enough to keep her (or him) from hitting
you with the fireplace poker in the middle of the night. And this
time I have digressed to a point so far beyond my control....I think
I'll close this chapter and move on the another subject.
But
remember, cream cheese is not just a spread...its a staple. Keep it
on hand all the time. It's not going to go bad very fast, you'll eat
it long before then. Cream cheese is our friend. But do everything
in moderation. Well, almost everything.
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