Thursday, February 10

a few thoughts

#1 - Jennie is dead. She was an awesome truck. Yes, I overuse the word awesome - but she truly was. I'm going to try to add a picture. Never done that before. I'm not certain what the proper period of mourning for a truck is. I will say that the theme song in my head is Neil Young's "Long May You Run".

#2 - what is my housemates' fascination with closing my browser? One of them just loves that little red X over there. Stop it. At work I never have less than 7 programs open, including 3 browsers. The computer does not get extra tired if programs are open.

#3 - I had a number 3...I'm sure of it. What was it? The Grammys? No - I'll leave that to Chuck Taylor over on the Smoking Nun ( I don't know who those people are anyway. Why was that guy's hair plastic during the Super Bowl halftime show? The only show I'm less likely to watch is the Country Music Awards. But I'm sure that wasn't my #3.

#4 - It is Thursday - time for another horrific installment from my cookbook that I started writing many years ago. Last week's installment (which I unwisely decided to post without pre-reading or editing) was...not particularly good. Perhaps I got better? Well - unpreviewed and unedited - another selection from "Oh my God, They're in the Driveway! - cooking for morons":


I don't know how long you people are expecting me to come up with clever names for this stuff. I hope not long. This recipe isn't really mine. I got it from somebody when I ran a catering business. That lasted for about a month, I never knew you could starve to death cooking food. Anyway, I don't remember who it was, and I've probably changed it since, so don't come begging for money, you're not getting any.

  • a block o' cream cheese

  • a can of little itty bitty shrimp, or you can be cheap and get those dollar ninety-nine cans of broken shrimp pieces and bits at the Wal-mart. But now your friends will know.

  • a teaspoon of worcester sauce (I still haven't found a bottle to spell that right)

  • a smattering of ketchup (like almost a ¼ cup, sometimes more)

  • some people put onions in it, those people are not normal.

** Once again, heat the cream cheese. If you missed how to heat cream cheese, check out the first recipe in the chapter, its not like I'm getting paid by the word or anything. This dip/spread however will need to be cooled down before serving. Right now though, we have warm, not hot, not bubbling, not boiling cream cheese. Add the ketchup about a tablespoon at a time. What we are going for here is a color thing. With great apologies to my African American, African, Asian American, Native American and Eskimo friends and readers....we are shooting for a color like a gentle sunburn on a white lifeguard with blonde hair and nice buns. But I digress...again. Head for pink, then go a little past that. Now the taste should be like cream cheese with just a hint of ketchup, but not overbearing ketchup. Got it? Okay, add the worcester sauce. After that is blended, add the shrimp bits. Now eat about half of it while perfecting the ketchup balance. I usually serve this with wheat thins, saltines and sometimes those weird vegetable thin things. Its also nifty on toast. Big serving hint here. People have trouble eating things they don't recognize, so be nice to your guests and take a couple of the bigger shrimp bits, hopefully ones that look like shrimp. Lay those on top, in the middle to give people a clue.

P.S. Since I don't use the onions, I ain't gonna put them in my recipe. After all, it is my book.

Well, hamster beaten.

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