Thursday, February 3

Shortcut Day!

So - it's Thursday. And if you don't know what I mean by that - read the post

Couple of days ago I decided to try to blog 21 days in a row. I'm seeing it as proving that I can follow through on a commitment. My first follower said that he was looking for something every day and he was loving every word. A lovely, lovely thought - though I am not worthy to tie his hightops. My friend Chuck Taylor writes an awesome blog. He puts nifty pictures and there's stuff flashing over on the side and I see Quisp from time to time. It's a pretty blog with bells and whistles. It also helps that he is way cool and knows all kinds of interesting people and lives in a wicked awesome city (ok, that's the last time I'll say awesome). He writes The Smoking Nun, which is also a fantastic name. And about once a week there are pictures of pretty men. I read it a lot. There's a picture of me somewhere (somewhen?) on there - gazing at a cheese store window in New York City. Go read it.

Anyway - when I said I was going to write every day, I added the caveat that I might post sections of a cookbook/novel (I'm trying out the term: cooknovel...what do ya think?) that I started writing some several years back. Lots of years back (warning: this may not be good). So - I gave myself a form of cheating. And today is Thursday - the long day. If you were going to guess what day I would first use my shortcut, you would have guessed today.

So - without evening READING it first - here is the first section of "Oh my God, they're in the Driveway". And good night everybody. Day three, hamsters beaten.

**Note: then I DID read it. I'm vaguely horrified. But I'm leaving it. I think the cookbook got better. I hope I didn't write a chapter on SPAM too.

Oh my God, they're in the with no time and nothing special in the pantry
Thus begins the chapter I had to write first, because I know it best. There are very few things I haven't tried to do with cream cheese, except for a few that would be disgusting and/or illegal.
There must have been a dozen times that it bailed me out of an embarrassing situation. I can remember a time my sister invited a few friends over to her apartment to celebrate something. Of course there was no food in her apartment. I managed to throw together a quick, easy cheese spread, some crackers and a large amount of leftover pizza which I chopped into bite size hunks. Not only did no one starve, I got a lot of compliments on a very tasty snack spread.
Okay, to all of you who think that cream cheese was meant to stand alone or only be made into a cheese ball, get real! Here follows about a half-dozen simple ways to be the hit of any party!
I'm starting with one of my family's favorites, I personally discovered it by accident. This is truly simple. It is best served warm with either cheese crackers, wheat thins or melba toast.
one block o' cream cheese (I prefer Philly, some claim there's no difference. I guess I could be wrong. NOT!)
one can of crab (like about ¾ cup if you shell your own)
a splash of milk
a teaspoon of worcester sauce (I spent a full minute trying to spell that, hopefully the editors will catch it)

** Heat the cream cheese in either the microwave (cook for about 45 seconds, rotate and squish with a fork, the repeat as necessary-shortening the time) or a double boiler. Actually the double boiler does a better job, but I use the microwave a lot. The double boiler actually does more than just soften it, it changes the texture slightly. Usually in that case I'll add about a tablespoon of butter. Don't know why. If I did I could charge more for this book. Okay, soft cheese, I'll try to stay on the subject. Add a splash of milk, like a tablespoon. We're going for the consistency of chocolate pudding. Add the well drained can of crab meat. Stir and add worcester sauce.
So what are you waiting for? Eat it. Calorie counting is for paranoid jerks.


  1. Ok... the party was for our cousin, Ken Henson's medical school graduation. You'd think I would have prepared a bit more for this, but after the graduation I just said, "how about everyone come over" and by golly they did. Thank heavens for Chris and her cream cheese ideas.