A Mental Epileptic Fit

There is something seriously wrong with my brain. I stand in the shower and have brilliant ideas about what to blog about. I drive in my car and have deep philosophical discussions. I sit at the computer and my brain dries up. Like a raisin. Like a raisin from a box that was left in a preschool cubbie for 40 days and 40 nights. Sort of a mental seizure.

Remarkably - I continue to type. Sort of a mental epileptic fit.

My sisters were amused by yesterday's post. Each seemed to identify a different one of them as being the sister in the story. And then when I revealed which one I was with...universal surprise. I actually have dreams like that pretty often. My dream world is pretty darn active. I won't ponder too long on why that is.

Those who know me are aware that I was diagnosed with sleep apnea a few years ago. To be exact - I have very severe obstructive sleep apnea. And I had to work hard to get the "very severe" part. In order to be diagnosed, you have to go through a most interesting experience: a sleep study. I never really knew that you needed to study! I used to fall asleep EVERYWHERE! I fell asleep in church (sorry Pastor Joe) and the movies (amusing tale about that sometime - but if I wander off on another rabbit trail I may never find my way back!) and I fell asleep sometimes at work. The one place I didn't fall asleep was behind the wheel (the number one way that OSA is diagnosed - car crash) and that is only because I stopped to nap a lot. A lot. I would have to stop about every half hour.

Let's see...oh yeah...sleep study. You go to the clinic in the late evening and get yourself hooked up for seventy-leven wires. Ok - not so many...but it seems like a lot. Then you watch a little TV and then go to sleep. And somebody watches you. It's not as creepy as it sounds. They really just monitor you. And your quality of sleep gets recorded.

One of the parts of the study is a questionnaire in the morning. How did you sleep? How do you feel? Do you feel rested? And then you get to answer - did you dream? what did you dream about? I had the craziest dream that night. And still remember it. My sleep monitor, who hooked up the eighty-twelve wires, was in the dream. We were running through the woods, I think I was escaping. Then we saw a flying saucer land. And then we were hiding in a ditch, and he was wearing a grey hoodie. And then there was a Chevy convertible that was driven by a scene painter I worked with at the Fine Arts Center - and I jumped in the car. And then somehow I saw him take off the hoodie...and he was an alien!!

Ah...so I was diagnosed. They measure (among many other things) the number of breathing interruptions you have. My average was 91 times an hour. Anything over 70 (I think...) is very severe. I was disappointed. I didn't a) break the record...unofficially I think it is around 130...the alien was not specific. and b) get an even cooler diagnosis like: super very severe osa or something. I now have a machine that keeps me from not breathing. It has certainly saved my life. And my family will actually travel with me now - I used to snore everyone out of their freakin' minds. Susan actually slept on the floor of a hotel bathroom once. I was universally hated.

Well....I believe I have successfully beaten another hamster.